Not Being Okay Is Okay: Stanley’s Story

When the plan falls apart 

Stanley, from Hackney, had always been someone who liked to stay busy, whether that was in school or out on the football pitch. So, when he found himself dropping out of university with nothing lined up, it hit hard.  

“It was kind of just like I was in a sort of moment in my life where I had nothing,” he says. “And I’m someone who likes to be quite occupied, I like doing things, so to  have nothing going on was a bit of a weird feeling.” 

He felt that university didn’t give him the support he needed. After being hit by a car, he was still chased for missing lectures despite sending evidence of his injuries from hospital.  

“I thought, this isn’t really the place for me,” he says. Beyond that, he felt boxed into a choice between socialising or studying with no middle ground, all while feeling pressure to plan out years of his future before he’d even worked out what he wanted. 

The toll built quietly but quickly, and Stanley found himself in a state of depression. “I always set very high standards for myself” he explains. Feeling like he had to be perfect for his parents made the idea of dropping out feel like letting them down. It was a conversation with his sister, who had faced the same decision herself, that helped him see things clearly. “She sort of guided me to make the right decision for myself.” He left university and found it was “a real weight off my shoulders” that he hadn’t even realised he was carrying. 

 

A different kind of support 

Coach Core felt different from day one. “You could see that there was a massive support system,” Stanley says, “whether it be with Jack or with Phil. If I ever needed help, I knew from day one that there was someone that I could go to.” Just as important was the freedom to find his own way into running rather than have a single route mapped out for him. “There’s different pathways,” he says. “It gave me freedom to decide which way I want to go.” 

That support was tested more recently, when Stanley was grieving an important loss in his life just as race season came to an end. “I didn’t really have the time to grieve that I probably should have,” he says, and his energy dipped as a result. But when he opened up to Jack and Phil at an education day, the response was immediate understanding rather than judgement.

“It was just a completely different experience to when I had lecturers emailing me saying, how come you’re not in lectures? Jack and Phil were like, it’s okay, we’re completely with you. If you ever need anything, then we’re here.”

 

Finding his stride 

Looking at himself now compared to who he was at University, Stanley is clear about the change. “I’m a lot happier. There’s a lot more in my life now rather than just study, go home, sleep and back to study,” he says. “I’ve got a more positive outlook on life. I have more confidence in pushing myself and freedom to express the person that I want to be.” 

Discovering just how many ways there were to build a future in running which gave him a new kind of confidence, one that didn’t depend on having everything figured out straight away. “With the drive and ambition that I have due to Coach Core, and the support that they’ve given me, I feel like I can definitely stick through this.” 

Asked to sum up what the apprenticeship has given him beyond the qualification itself, Stanley doesn’t hesitate. “It’s taught me that not being okay is actually okay.” 

 

What he’d tell himself 

Looking back at the version of himself who was struggling at university, Stanley’s advice is simple. “Stepping away from something doesn’t mean you’re giving up on it, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just begins a new journey,” he says. “I would tell myself to drop out sooner. That’s not to say that all the experiences I had at University were bad. I just wish I could have realised how much it was negatively affecting me sooner.” 

Now, as a youth practitioner, Stanley gets to be on the other side of that support system, helping young people through running the same way Coach Core once helped him. His story is proof that the right path isn’t always the first one you’re given, and that admitting you’re not okay can be the first step toward finding your feet again.